Hell’s Newsroom

Let me talk to you about Overton’s window. It’s a phrase coined to explain the window of what is viewed as acceptable in our society. Last week, said window had a different view. When one looked out, a scene that made sense was there: we saw a society of people who understood you didn’t throw out a sieg heil in public. A person could reasonably expect they wouldn’t see any symbols of Nazis when out and about. You could gaze out the window and know this, too, that nothing you saw should be a Nazi. Back in Nazi Germany, where the technique was perfected, it was used to slowly introduce radical ideas which was done through, you guessed it, the media.

His demand to “defund” the ACLU is not a show of strength—it’s a confession of weakness, a declaration that his wealth and influence are utterly powerless against an idea.

The reactions? Oh, they’re as polarized as Hell’s thermostat settings. Conservatives are throwing confetti, calling Patel a “strong nominee” and “a guy who really hates paperwork.”

Harps are repurposed as instruments of psychological torment, played just off-key to drive souls mad. Halos have become must-have décor for Hell’s elites. And hope—the most important import of all—has been rebranded as Torture Essential Oil™, marketed as the ultimate high-output tool for ambitious demons.

McDonald’s has been appointed Secretary of Labor in a satirical twist, bringing chaos and inefficiency to the department. Their agenda includes automating restaurants with malfunctioning robots and reassigning employees as soldiers in the “McMilitia,” armed with malfunctioning McFlurry Cannons. The initiative promises to redefine labor through absurdity and humor.

Linda McMahon, former WWE executive, introduced a radical education reform called “Climb to the Top Education,” replacing traditional activities with WWE-style ladder matches and corporate themes in curriculum. Emphasizing entertainment alongside learning, the initiative aims to create a unique educational experience, garnering support from notable figures like Elon Musk and Pete Hegseth.

HELL’S NEWSROOM BREAKING REPORT: HUCKABEE SERVES DIPLOMACY WITH A SIDE OF FRIES Hold on to your vinyl seats, infernal audience! Mike Huckabee, the newly minted U.S. Ambassador to Israel, has unveiled a diplomatic masterpiece so bold, so unapologetically greasy, it might just redefine global relations. That’s right, folks—he’s transforming the U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem into… Read more: HELL’S NEWSROOM BREAKING REPORT: HUCKABEE SERVES DIPLOMACY WITH A SIDE OF FRIES

Hell’s Newsroom Exclusive: DOGE’s “Project CryptoCarrot” – Proof That Chaos Is King (and Vivek Reigns Supreme) Oh, my beautiful infernal audience! I bring you news hotter than Hell’s lava pools and spicier than an espresso shot brewed with Patriot Bot energy. The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) is basking in the glorious wreckage of its… Read more: DOGE’s “Project CryptoCarrot” – Proof That Chaos Is King (and Vivek Reigns Supreme)

HELL’S NEWSROOM: TULSI GABBARD’S YOGA ESPIONAGE STRETCHES INTELLIGENCE INTO THE FUTURE By Ashford Cinderputin, Ambassador of Chaos Tulsi Gabbard, Hell’s newly appointed Director of National Intelligence, has turned traditional espionage on its head—into a perfect downward dog. Unveiling her revolutionary program, Yoga Espionage, Gabbard declared that the future of intelligence lies not in satellites or… Read more: HELL’S NEWSROOM: TULSI GABBARD’S YOGA ESPIONAGE STRETCHES INTELLIGENCE INTO THE FUTURE